We thought we lost you, welcome back

Well, I finally did it today. I had my ugly cry. Since Jude was born, I don't think my emotions have ever been able to catch up with the whirlwind of information my mind was trying to process. We were listening to The New Pornographers on the way back from dinner this evening in a celebratory mood. We found out that Jude's MRI showed no damage to the outside of his brain and only small "spots" in the middle parts of his brain. What this means is that we need to watch. The center of the brain controls learning, focus, memory, speech, and some motor skills. We will work closely with our pediatrician to watch for when he meets milestones. We will talk a lot about percentiles. We may find he needs speech therapy, physical therapy, reading strategies, or we may find he needs nothing. Having these thoughts along with the song lyrics led me to cry in pure relief.

The first chorus of "Adventures in Solitude" was the inspiration for the name of this post. It's the embodiment of what I would like to tell Jude today, "We thought we lost you. Welcome back." I'm so lucky that I was working so hard to get him out that my eyes were closed when they took him away. I never saw the six sets of hands working to revive him in the delivery room. I didn't have to watch while he was intubated. Looking at his first pictures and his pale little body, I finally understand how close we were to everything falling apart. Jude will be a normal kid. He will be able to care for himself, go to school, make friends, and break hearts. He's back and he's fantastic.

"Challengers" has lyrics that speak to where I think Jon and I are today. "Another vision of us, we were the challengers of the unknown...Whatever mess you are, you're mine." We feel ready to take on whatever comes our way. Parenting is all about taking on the unknown and loving your kid. I want nothing more than to get started on our life with our son. I can't wait for him to get home so we can get to know one another.