A little this, a little that

First, just let me brag on my husband a little. I was sick this week, and, Boy Howdy, I mean sick. Dehydrated and weak, I drug myself out of bed Monday morning and made it to the couch. Jon didn't bat an eye about staying home for a few hours, getting Jude started on the day, taking care of the dogs, and going to the grocery to buy me the biggest jug of Gatorade available. I'm still not sure what happened, virus (though Jude and Jon are both fine) or some type of food poisoning issue, but it was U-G-L-Y. I was so thankful to have Jon here to take care of things and keep the household going. I am so thankful to feel better though my stomach is being a little weird.

Let's see, next I bought Jude a water bottle for soccer with a snack cup in the bottom. A Mom I

know from Little Gym has 2-year-old triplets and runs a monogramming business at night and on the weekends. And no, I have no idea how she does it. It turned out so cute! It's Carolina Hurricanes colors to boot. Jude picked the paper out, but I'm not sure he remembers, so I'm excited to surprise him with it. He's only had a few things with his name on them before.

In other news, in case you didn't hear me talking about it on Plurk, Facebook, Twitter, or screaming from the rooftops, Jon and I learned to curl. We went to a class put on by Triangle Curling Club. It was a blast! They said we would know how to curl before we left, and we did! I can't say that I'm a master or anything, but I can slide that 42 pound rock 140 feet down the ice while balancing on one

foot that is sliding on a piece of Teflon. So awesome! This pic is me throwing with Jon sweeping. There were several jokes when Jon and I were finally able to sweep together. ;) Our team played 3 ends against another team during the lesson and we won 3-0. Prodigies? You betcha.

Jude's been mega-entertaining lately. He's taken to acting like a cat sometimes and asking for "cat juice" and a "cat snack." Tonight he took things up a notch by meowing "Let's Go Canes." Jon and I totally jumped in. Also, we're really working on potty training. Jude has already earned his first reward. He stayed dry all day, and we took him to Chuck E. Cheese's. He's still talking about it. Also, those tickets are goofy. Prizes are 1 cent or 1 ticket. We skipped the line and payed 20 cents for a piece of candy and a sheet of stickers, and Jude was quite content. Now Jude's working on staying dry 3 days in a row to earn a big boy bed i.e. we convert his crib to a toddler bed with rails. He's 2 days in!

Graduate school is finally winding down, and I just might graduate! There have been a number of difficulties with my master's paper, but through a very supportive husband and advisor, I might just squeak in by the deadline. Graduation is on Mother's Day, so I'm kind of emotional about that. I'll save that for another post.

Everything will be ok

I need this t-shirt and possibly this phrase tattooed on my forearm, so I can reference it daily. :)

Compassion

Don't beat yourself up!

Don't judge yourself!

Rest, and be kind!

I put a quote from the Buddha on my Facebook page tonight: "If compassion does not include yourself, it is incomplete." Within a few seconds 2 friends had "liked" my status, and two had commented--all were women and 3 were moms. Now my sample is skewed a bit because more women read and care about my status messages in general, but I think it also has a bit to do with women knowing they should be more forgiving of themselves.

I had lunch with a friend recently, and she too was talking about how bad someone else was making her feel about herself. She was turning the other persons actions inward and then being critical of herself! This was no regular chica; she totally rocks as a mama and does it times two. I was astounded she was so down on herself and for nothing! But then fast-forward to today, and I completely missed a commitment I had made to volunteer this morning at a local school library. I mean just completely spaced out and did not even think about it until 6:40 p.m. I feel completely awful. Feelings of failure, like I can't possibly be redeemed. Like my friend, I put everything on myself despite it being an honest mistake.

Let's see, I'm potty training my kid, both cars need oil changes, trying to work on my master's paper despite red tape and delays at every turn, hunting for jobs, laundry, dishes, classes, making dinner, pug wrangling. What was I expecting? One of the balls was bound to drop, and today it did. Yet, here I sit on a planet that is continuing to turn despite my mistake. Every thing is fine, really. Jude is sleeping, Jon is pug wrangling, and I have time to write this and watch t.v.

I'm working really hard, and have been for the past year, to reset these neural pathways that always send me to self-criticism and judgement. I think I can be reflective and grow and learn from mistakes without taking myself to gallows every time I forget to put the clothes in the dryer.

I think of the Lisa Loeb song, "Wishing Heart." Sorry to go all 90s on ya, but I love that song. At one point she says, "I just want this to be good, I just want this to be good." I feel that so much. You set up everything to run smoothly and to be perfect, and then life happens and you realize you can't think of everything. It's the path of the perfectionist, "Perfectionists often experience intense anxiety, shame, anger or low mood when their standards or goals are not met, and perfectionism may affect people's functioning by causing them to spend too long on tasks, procrastinate or avoid tasks altogether." For me today, I was focusing so much on one area (that's the spending too long on tasks part) and missed my appointment. I won't even tell you how long it takes me to vacuum; it's embarrassing.

Toward the end of the song, Loeb says, "It's not always candy spun from head to heart, And it's not always meant to be, And it's not always up to me." Each of these three things applies on different days in different ways. I just foul things up sometimes. I have to be forgiving. I told my friend Anne a few months ago that, "The world will not end if you f**k up the Play-Doh," as she was having trouble helping out in her daughter's school. So I am trying to take my own advice by continuing to work on completing my compassion.

The White Stripes

Jude, who is currently very obsessed with playing the Rock Band drums, declared himself to be Meg White all day and Jon was Jack White. (I was still Mom). We haven't broken the news to him that the White Stripes broke up a couple of weeks ago. Just doesn't seem like the time.

Jon and I were able to see the White Stripes in Portland, ME in 2007, the summer we decided to have Jude. They were the soundtrack to 2007 for us. I'm sure I wrote about it somewhere. I have often proclaimed the White Stripes to be my favorite band. Jon even wrote a song about Meg White, which you can listen to. I love creative constraints, and a two-person band has many. Jack White pushed out against the bubble of the band's limits until it popped.

I hate that Jude may never see the White Stripes in concert because it is awesome. How can 2 people make sooo much music? However, we did get to see Ben Folds Five play the entire Reinhold Messner album front-to-back years after the band had broken up but not so many years that it was weird or bad. I have hope!