New memories

Things don't always go as you expect them too, and Jude's birth taught us a lot of lessons about that along with lessons about faith, hope, love, and family. On Saturday, we celebrated Jude's birthday, making some great memories to help bring closure to the year that started out in a way no one expected and ended up exceeding our highest hopes.

Thank you to everyone who has watched over our shoulder in Jude's first year. Everyone who has said a prayer, changed a diaper, bought our dinner, babysitted, given hugs and kisses, given advice, offered kind words, and loved us has contributed to the very happy boy we see today.

The Brasfield family will be celebrating the last day of Jude-ly by delivering donations from us and from friends and family members to the Ronald McDonald House in Winston-Salem. We know how lucky we were to leave the NICU with a healthy child after only a week, and we know there are lots of people who are struggling much longer, some who are away from home, to care for their children who are very sick and in the hospital. In raising Jude, I think the memories of his first week of life will fade, but I hope we always hang on to what we learned about the fragility of life and what it feels like when people reach out to help you and to hug you when you need them the most.

A year ago

WARNING: LOTS OF REFLECTION AND COMMAS AHEAD

A year ago today, Amanda had an ultrasound to make sure everything was ok with Jude. He was a little over a week overdue and the doc was prepping us for an induction.

I'm sure everyone reading this knows what happened between then and now - both the bad and the good, and if you don't, it's in the archive.

In a wonderful development, the pain and fear we experienced when Jude was born with such a poor prognosis has subsided more quickly than I could have ever imagined. With every babble, roll, step, crawl, or drum, the spectre of a child who couldn't care for himself, or worse, disappears a little more. I say this now because, as his birthday approaches, I've never been more aware of the meaning of the term bittersweet.

We all know the good. The sweet. Aside from a bout with nasty, nasty acid reflux, we've been blessed with the most happy, content, inquisitive, calm, independent, fun baby i could have ever hoped for. He walks already, he's strong, he's healthy, he signs to us, he understands things we say, he sleeps twelve hours at night, and he charms everyone who meets him. Under any circumstances, we have a great baby. Under the circumstances of his birth, we have an amazing baby. Although those circumstances don't enter my mind as much any more, I know how lucky we were.

Here's the weird thing: Even when I think back on the birth, it's not the prognosis that brings back bad feelings. It's probably because we know the end of the story, but the fear I had for Jude's life doesn't recall pain. It recalls a tough situation that, through the support of family and friends (and even a few internet strangers), we survived, and through the expertise of caring and skilled doctors and nurses, Jude survived.

The worst feelings are when I think about the end of the pregnancy.

Amanda was the most wonderful pregnant woman. Dutiful in her yoga, her vitamin-taking, her water-drinking, her love for me and the dogs and the unborn Jude. The last month or so of the pregnancy was one of the most fun, free, and exciting times of our marriage to date. The closeness we experienced as a result of our anticipation was enriching. We exercised together every day, we planned and hoped - just like many other parents-to-be.

Amanda wanted to have a natural birth - no painkillers, definitely no induction, and simply the support of her breathing, her husband, and the big birthing ball. As readers of the live-blog know, that didn't (and couldn't) happen.

It may sound silly that thinking of the pregnancy hurts, but if I had to narrow down the entire experience of Jude's borth to one worst thing, it would be the pain Amanda had to go through, both physically and emotionally, during the back labor, extraction, episiotomy, and finally, the realization that the baby she worked so hard to get out had something very, very wrong with him.

I can get past what happened to Jude, because he's fine. He's more than fine. He's thriving, and he'll probably never have any lasting effects from his injuries.

I don't think I'm past what could happen if we ever do this again. I don't know that I can get excited again about prenatal yoga, or driving to the hospital, or any of that, because we got so high on it before, and it came so close to bottoming out. I can't bear to think of Amanda being so excited when I know what pain she went through afterward. I also can't bear to think about being pregnant again without being as excited as before.

This will probably fade too. After all, I can tangibly see that Amanda and I are fine just as well as I can see that Jude is fine. In time, maybe we'll be ready to go through it all again. Maybe not.

Right now though, I want to be done with thinking about that. I want to focus on celebrating a dinosaur-themed birthday with friends and family.

So happy birthday, Captain Judeman! It's been a great year. I'm glad you'll never know how bad the first week of it was.

We love you!

You little coquette

On a Mother's Day blog post on Triangle.com someone recommended the brunch at Coquette Brasserie at North Hills. It is also one of the top 3 places for brunch in Raleigh on Opentable.com, so I wanted to take the family there to try it out.

The decor is the restaurant is that of a french cafe. Small, marble tables with cafe chairs. A long wooden bar divides the restaurant a third of the way in, and the flooring is comprised of small black and white tiles. We made reservations, but I don't think they would have been necessary at 11 a.m. When we go to a new place with the baby, however, I like to make a reservation to avoid trying to keep him busy until we are seated.

Our server was attentive but never in the way, and she told us that Jude looked like the E-Trade baby from the commercials. Ha! She started us off with a basket of baquettes and a whole wheat bread with whipped butter. Jon ordered the monte cristo sandwich--ham and Gruyere on French toast covered in syrup. The sweet outside and savory inside were a perfect match. The portion wasn't quite big enough for two, but it was certainly too much to finish. I had the quiche du jour, a buttery, creamy, vegetable quiche with a flaky and thick crust. The crust of a quiche can really make it or break it for me, and Coquette's had a tender but firm crust that made it easy to cut and enjoy with the egg. The quiche was served with a mixed greens salad.

There is only a lunch/dinner menu for kids at Coquette, which I consider to be a big flaw, considering how popular the brunch is. It consists of a hamburger, a chicken dish, and grilled cheese. None of these were appropriate for Jude, so we asked if he could have one pancake with the fruit compote. The restaurant accomidated our request and quite graciously only charged us $2 for it. They also ended up giving us two pancakes and served the fruit on the side.

We both ordered water because anything else may have been too much with such rich food. With that as our beverage choice, we left the restaurant paying only $21 including the tip.

We are excited to go back to Coquette, and we always enjoy spending money at a place that seeks to make all guest comfortable, even those under 32" tall.

Jude is walking!

So Jude started taking steps a while ago, but yesterday he starting taking little walks around the living room!

We bought Jude a new ball

Presented without commentary.

First in flight

We spent a whirlwind 4 days in Louisville this week, and let me apologize to anyone we didn't get to see. I wanted to visit you, but we were primarily visiting close family and trying to keep Jude on his schedule as much as possible. As he gets older, we will have more flexibility, and I promise you'll meet him before he turns 16!

We had a great time, and we were worn out by the time we flew home on Saturday. It was Jude's first flight, and though he is a happy kid when not hungry or tired, I was still concerned. We had to fly from Louisville to Baltimore, change planes, and then from Baltimore to RDU. Mom helped us at the airport in Louisville to get our bags checked and get to the security line. Both flights were on time and the weather was perfect. I want to send a shout out to the Dad and 6-year old we shared a row with on the first flight and the lady who worked for the Humane Society and man who was building a house on the coast on the second flight. All of you were wonderful, helpful, entertaining, and kind.

Jude was fantastic on both flights and even fell asleep during the first. He earned his wings, which, by the way, are now adhesive rather than a pin. I find this an unfortunate cutback because keeping adhesive-backed wings on the shirt of a 10-month old is impossible. The pic above is of Jude at the airport.

On our first flight was some 5-piece band that I did not recognize. Any ideas who they could be? They had many tattoos and were definitely too cool for school! They flew Louisville to Baltimore.

GCHS C/O '99 KIT LYLAS

With the opportunity for a night out, new dress, and a steak dinner I was lured to Paducah for Jon's 10-year high school reunion. No, Jon isn't from Paducah, and no, he didn't go to school there either. Jon spent his high school years living in the tiny hamlet of Fulton, Ky. Wanting to spread his wings, Jon attended high school out of county at the Graves County High School, home of the eagles (get it? "spread his wings"). Needing an appropriate location for more than 100 people to gather, drink, and reminisce, Paducah was chosen as the gathering spot for the reunion.

I had a really nice time and enjoyed meeting Jon's friends who star in so many of his high school stories. It was interesting to watch the evening go from awkward to nostalgic to settling somewhere near comfortable. Once you get married, have kids, get a job, serve the country, get divorced, and pay some bills it's hard not to find something in common with folks you went to high school with even if you never talked back then. Chances are someone in the room has shared the same worries and joys that you have.

One person I talked too seemed a little embarrassed of her current occupation and location, "still" doing this, "still" living there. I hated to hear it, and I just wanted to say, "Haven't you ever seen the Wizard of Oz?!" You may get more than you bargained for!

Some people leave small towns, and some people stay. People have to leave to keep them small, and people have to stay if the town is to survive. I'll never be a supporter of living in your parent's basement until your children start college, but deciding to stay put in a town of 10,000 and contributing to its economy and its well-being and raising your kids where you were raised with the help and support of the people who raised you is sure nothing to be ashamed of.

There's probably more to than this. Folks who feel they never decided anything, or who feel obligated to stay despite their goals being located elsewhere. I just hope the person didn't feel like anyone was disappointed because we were all just happy to see you.

Jude took his first step!!

After I changed Jude's diaper today, I stood him up, and he took a step with his right foot and a step with his left! A complete step! Happiness!

Save the Date

We will be celebrating Jude's 1st birthday on his actual birthday, Saturday, July 25, 2009 in Raleigh! If you need more details now, just email me or leave your request in the comments!

The location is reserved and the theme has been chosen--all we need is you!

All because of black beans

My son wanted my spoon with some black beans in it tonight, so he said, "Mom! Mamamamamama." He said mom for the first time!!! I cried right there at the first table by the door to the patio at Neomonde. A feast of black bean salad, chickpeas, humus, and pita had moved my child to say my name for the first time. It was the sweetest sound.